I struggle with anxiety and trying to impress people. I feel I must prove that I can do the job.
If the job is away from home and my comfort zone I struggle with managing the lifestyle. Do you have any guidance as to how to overcome this?
You're definitely not alone with this feeling and it's very common amoung millennials because we were taught to figure everything out ourselves with the Internet- what we didn't know we were expected to look up. Admitting we truly didn't have the skill associated with the job would conjure up feelings of humiliation which would lead to the compulsive behavior to then just say-- yeah I can do that. It's my opinion that you're not trying to impress initially as so much as you're trying to not be caught in a vulnerable situation. I would recommend writing down all of your skills separate from your traits-- traits are the characteristics of yourself such as dependable, honest, persistent, loyal-- skills are how you can help them accomplish their goals - transferable skills are those you have accumulated throughout your career. - when someone asks you a skills based question like -- describe your normal methods of assigning work to your subordinates and you answer with "well I'm a very fair person and I wouldn't want their to animosity between the employees so I would make sure it's spread equally" - it's a honest answer but it's a skill question answered by subjective traits. - does that make sense? I think understanding skills/traits will calm your anxiety down and get you pumped for your next interview! :)
This happened to me a while back. Go to your doctor and have your blood work done. Many factors can be signals of being overstressed. Vitamin D can be very helpful with anxiety and other hormones that are off can be leveled out with proper eating and in some cases medication. Our bodies do send messages in interesting ways. Also look into food allergies. These can really have a huge impact on your overall health. Meditation is a great addition for most people in handling stress. contact me for more info.
As a recovering people-pleaser I can understand to an extent where you are coming from. The fact is, no matter how skilled/talented you are, you will not please all the people all of the time.
First, review your job description and match it against your skills/experience. If they match really closely or exactly, then you should feel confident that you have the capability, no problem. What seem to be happening is you doubt yourself and the anxiety field you create around you probably makes coworkers uncomfortable. If you can do the job, you can do the job, you don't have to prove anything.
I have several suggestions to help you. First, continue to use positive self talk and reassure yourself as often as possible that you are good, worthy, skilled and competent. Do this especially during times of stress/anxiety.
Also, Jack Canfield has a great audio program on this. (
How to Build High Self-Esteem: A Practical Process for Your Personal Growth Audio, Cassette – Audiobook, Unabridged) He is an expert in self-esteem improvement and the tapes are very inexpensive online (~$4) or free at your local library.
Finally, I recommend a spiritual practice to help you. I'm not trying to preach at all, but my personal testimony is that God has graced me with a lot of help to overcome my personal and personality problems that have caused me much difficulty. I've had a lot of help from spiritual mentors to keep me on the path and accountable.
If you want to know more or if there is anything I can do, please let me know.
Greg Austin
https://www.linkedin.com/in/gregaustin1
Do you do much writing? I think it would be interesting for you to understand this anxiety. Writing can be a good outlet for self discovery.
Maybe you could shift your focus toward another career path. It's really hard to say without more information. Feel free to reach out if you'd like to go into this in depth.
Hello!
Thank you for your question.
In simple terms: Your unconscious expectations, your self-set boundaries and your self image cause the result to stay the same in different jobs / circumstances.
You have been given some book recommendations prior to my answer. However: What should really brake the ice and give you a practical approach with true results is "psycho-cybernetics"
I hope for you to find your path! If you ever want to express your experiences and challenges in detail - I will gladly listen and we will find a solution together.
Yours,
Max
I love the old Cherokee legend known as the ‘Tale of the Two Wolves’. A grandfather explains to his warrior grandson that there are two wolves within each of us: the good wolf is positive and beneficial – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith, while the bad wolf is negative and destructive – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. These two wolves fight for control over us. The grandson is curious and asks, “Which wolf will win?” The grandfather replies, “The one you feed.” Start by trying to become aware of all the negative ‘instructions’ you’re giving to your subconscious. What are your most regularly played negative thoughts? In other words, what are you feeding the bad wolf? When you feel anxious, try to become aware of your negative thoughts and then challenge them. Writing them down is a good first step to taking an objective look at them. Are they true, logical, helpful? If not, what would be a more realistic, helpful thought? This will help to dissipate those unhelpful irrational beliefs rather than reinforcing them. Ask yourself ‘How is this thinking helping me?’
Besides if you do have any questions give me a call: https://clarity.fm/joy-brotonath
