In your initial message, I'd recommend something quite short. Just a sentence or 2 introducing yourself as a student and asking if they'd be willing to give some quick feedback to help you with your thesis project. Just that.

Assuming that's true, some people will respond. Then you can reply as a human being. Even that little bit of relationship building makes a difference.

Meanwhile, all the additional verbiage is off-putting. With the links in your opening email, it resembles a lot of spam that we're conditioned to quickly click past.