Question
As part of my thesis, I have to send off "cold surveys" to small-to-medium businesses and individuals in order to collect data. Sadly to date, I've been getting a 1% conversion rate. I think it is primarily down to the way I am structuring my email messages. Is there anything I can do to improve the language of my email message to make them more persuasive?
This is what I have so far. I would really appreciate any advice:
For individuals: http://imgur.com/T6vY7v1
For businesses: http://imgur.com/uopfMjx
Answer
In your initial message, I'd recommend something quite short. Just a sentence or 2 introducing yourself as a student and asking if they'd be willing to give some quick feedback to help you with your thesis project. Just that.
Assuming that's true, some people will respond. Then you can reply as a human being. Even that little bit of relationship building makes a difference.
Meanwhile, all the additional verbiage is off-putting. With the links in your opening email, it resembles a lot of spam that we're conditioned to quickly click past.
