I'm writing to let you know about my concerns about recent communication difficulties with my father.
As he's aged, my dad has become increasingly distant and hostile. Despite my efforts to connect, he refuses my calls and accuses me of being a "web hacker". When I tried to speak with our mother recently, he responded with hurtful cursing.
I care deeply about my parents, but my dad's behavior has left me hurt and unsure of what to do next. Any advice or support you could offer would be greatly appreciated.
Hi, I too have a had a rocky relationship with my parents throughout the years. Simplest advice I can give is work on yourself and how you choose to respond to things. You can’t change anyone especially your dad, so if you care for him, forgive him, be apart of his life as much as tolerable. If it makes you feel bad being around him, then keep your distance, and interactions brief. Maybe write him a email or text telling him how you feel. Prior to that, accept that he may never be able to respond how you want or have the ability to give you the relationship you need. Accept that, and learn to just live your life and let no one affect you. Good luck friend! 🐾
It sounds like you're going through a tough time with your dad, and I totally get how frustrating and hurtful it can be when there's distance and hostility in a relationship. Here's a more relaxed approach with some actionable steps and psychological insights:
1. Dig Deeper: Instead of just focusing on the surface behavior, try to understand what might be going on underneath. Maybe there's something bothering your dad that he's not expressing directly. It could be health issues, worries about aging, or even just feeling overwhelmed with life changes.
2. Get Curious, Not Furious: When your dad accuses you of being a "web hacker," it might not be about you at all. Sometimes people project their fears onto others. Maybe he's been reading scary stuff online about hackers, and now he's suspicious of anything related to technology. Asking him calmly about why he thinks that way might open up a conversation about his fears and concerns.
3. Speak His Language: If your dad is angry or distant, it might help to approach him in a way that resonates with him. Maybe he responds better to practical solutions rather than emotional talks. Or perhaps he values humor and light-heartedness. Finding common ground and adjusting your communication style can make a big difference.
4. Plant Seeds of Connection: Even if your dad is pushing you away, keep planting seeds of connection. Send him a funny meme or a nostalgic photo from your childhood. These little gestures can remind him of the bond you share and break through the walls he's put up.
5. Take Care of You: It's easy to get caught up in trying to fix the relationship, but don't forget to take care of yourself too. Set boundaries to protect your own mental and emotional well-being. Surround yourself with supportive people who lift you up.
If you want more personalized advice tailored to your situation, feel free to reach out. I'm here to help you navigate through this with empathy and understanding.
Hostile behavior can be a sign of dementia. You might look into symptoms of dementia to see if your father needs support with his health.
I appreciate you reaching out and sharing your concerns about your father's recent behavior. It's evident that you care deeply for your parents and are navigating a challenging situation. In such cases, it's essential to approach the matter with empathy and patience. Consider expressing your feelings calmly in a non-confrontational manner, emphasizing your desire for understanding and connection. If communication remains difficult, seeking the assistance of a professional mediator or family therapist may provide a neutral and supportive space to address underlying issues. Remember, these situations require time and effort, and seeking professional guidance can be a constructive step forward.
You can talk to me regarding this as i have experienced with this.
Sorry for what you’re going through with your dad I know it’s not easy to deal with him. Anyway my advice here is just to keep distance from him for sometimes and give him a short break. Maybe he is going through some stress as I know when people are approaching their old age they go through some life changes which even themselves can’t understand, so that makes them feel like everyone around them is the cause of their stress. So take it easy and give him some time.
you have two choice
1st choice you should stop what are you doing for 10 days take a short break and think are you right to do that or your father is right that you shouldnot do that work.. Then you will find the answer by your self but 1st take a break to know the right thing when you be away from that work..
2nd choice and that I love it.. You stop now what are you doing and go to your parents and hug them big hug and love them do what they want they will be right but you cannot feel it because you are blind by your work or someone makes you love it that's your problem
Take some time to reflect on your own feelings and actions. Understand your own emotions and consider if there are any specific issues that contribute to the hostility.
Open Communication:
Choose a calm and appropriate time to talk with your father. Express your desire to improve the relationship and share your feelings honestly. Use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory and focus on your own experiences.
Listen Actively:
Be open to hearing your father's perspective. Listen actively without interrupting, and try to understand his feelings and concerns. This can help create a more empathetic and constructive conversation.
Seek Professional Help: If your father's behavior persists or escalates, it may be beneficial to seek the assistance of a professional, such as a counselor, therapist, or mediator. A neutral third party can help facilitate constructive communication and offer guidance on how to navigate family conflicts effectively.
Stay Open to Reconciliation: While it's natural to feel hurt and frustrated by your father's behavior, try to remain open to the possibility of reconciliation and healing. Relationships can evolve and improve over time with patience, understanding, and effort from both parties.
Hi, i aswell didn't have a good relationship with my father we often got into arguments and sometimes we still do but through time we stoped arguing so much and understand eachother a lot more. In my experience the key was understanding eachother and talk. Try to communicate with him or spend more time with him find similar hobbies and also if he asks you something for ex. chores to do them just do it , its better than an argument or try to explain to him what is going in your life. Hope this helps
I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you're having with your dad. I lost my father recently, and it made me realize how important it is to cherish the time we have with our parents. Even if your relationship isn't perfect, reaching out and trying to understand him could make a big difference. Consider getting help from a counselor or mediator to improve communication. Remember, you're doing your best. God speed!
Here's a last resort solution (NOT TOO RECOMMENDED):
Sometimes being calm and rational doesnt work so I'd be somewhat hurtful as my last resort (not physically violent of course). Since it seems like he's not willing to talk properly, I'd go there to yell at him to say that you want to have a conversation like adults instead of acting like that. Your dad and your feelings are completely valid but you gotta do what you gotta do since you can't talk calmly to a yelling person from my experience. Normally when I tell sometime to talk calmy like an adult, it causes them to pause and think about their (usually) immature actions. I use this time to ask why they're doing what they're doing. I recommend you to ask why he's accusing you of being a "website hacker" and why he's behaving that way towards you.
So if you don't want to read all of that, here's a short summary:
-Don't argue against a yelling person by calmly speaking because chances are, they don't hear your side of the story.
-Be straightforward.
-Don't be afraid to yell a bit because your feelings matter too.
-Communicate clearly
-Ask why he's treating you like that.
Here's a note:
-Sometimes relationships aren't salvageable so if nothing works then DO NOT blame yourself.
-You deserve to be heard.
-Your feelings and your dad's feelings are valid.
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